Crushed.

     I don't even feel as though another word could appropriately describe how I feel right now.  I received an insurance statement a few days ago telling me my most recent appointments and lab work was denied.  I thought this was strange since what I had done fell under my benefits package (well woman preconception appointments as well as lab work).

     I called today to set up my next ultrasound appointment in two weeks to make sure the clomid is doing what it should and the lady on the other end asked me if I was able to pay the $946 up front for the "follicle check up".  WTF?!  HOLD THE PHONE! Did she just say NINE HUNDRED AND FORTY SIX DOLLARS?!  Yeah.  She did.  $946 for maybe 15 minutes of time to put something where the sun don't shine and poke around a bit (Yes, I know it's more than that but you get my drift).  I tried to hold back the tears while on the phone but I don't think it worked well as she apologized.

     So, when I got home (no, I wasn't talking and driving...don't judge me!), I called my insurance company to find out why my claim had been denied.  "You were given a diagnosis of infertility and we don't cover infertility."  WHAT?! EXCUSE ME?!  I had been diagnosed as WHAT?! Clearly, this diagnosis was new to me as I was told I wasn't infertile, I didn't have PCOS or issues with my thyroid.  All my tests result came back NORMAL and I just needed a little eggy boost.  So, as you can imagine, I was a little shocked when the words "Yes, I'm right.  He has your diagnosis listed as infertility."

     So, here I sit.  An hour later.  I think I may finally be cried out, but we'll see.  Depending on what I hear from his office tomorrow I may be going elsewhere with my lady bits in tow.

Is it possible to mourn the loss of something that never really was?