I am a Christian. I believe in God and I believe in His promises. I know there is a path laid before me that is so much better than I could have ever imagined. But, honesty time, some days, I don't. Yep. I said that. There are days when I sit, in tears, asking why the desire to be a mom would be placed so heavily on my heart if God wasn't going to let me put it to use. There are days when I just sit and scream at God.
Today happened to be one of those days. I cried, I yelled, I prayed, and I cried some more. I looked up statistics. I looked up procedures. I looked up scripture. I looked up conditions. I needed something. There had to be something. And then I came across this:
Throughout the course of what is to come for me, I will pray this verse. I will repeat this verse when I feel defeated. I will repeat this verse when I feel lost, lonely, crushed, and broken-hearted. I will pray this verse every time I see a new pregnancy announced. I will pray this verse every time I hear "Oh, no announcement from you this year?" I will pray this verse when I wake up. And I will pray this verse when I go to sleep.
I know that this struggle is far from over. I know that my hurt and heartache isn't going anywhere. But I also know that I am not abandoned. My God is for me. And if my God is for me, who shall stand against me and prosper? No one.
I'm going to ask something of every person who wonders across this page. Pray for me. Pray for my husband. Pray for our doctor. Don't just pray that I will get pregnant. Pray that we have the strength to move forward. Pray that we get the answers we need. Pray that no matter what, we will remember who is the greatest soldier in this fight. Pray that I will remember who is in control and pray that I can turn over what I think I have control over and simply let it be.
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