Unlike years past, I decided this year that I would only have one resolution: act as though I'm already pregnant. To some, this might seem silly, stupid, or odd. But to me, it's one step (be it a small step) towards reaching the biggest goal I've ever set for myself: being a mother. And unlike years past, I've actually stuck to my guns. Simply because, in 2014, it WILL be my turn.
In the last two weeks, I've managed to take better care of myself. I've cut down my soda intake (not completely, but I'm working on it), I've quit coffee (GASP), I set up a savings account (and kept money in it all month without touching it!) and I've taken my prenatal vitamin EVERY SINGLE DAY! That last one is huge for me, since my memory is shorter than that of a two year old. Not only have I done all that, but I also made a big step and changed the reason for my appointment tomorrow.
Despite the fact that it literally made me feel like I might throw up (hey, getting me ready for morning sickness), I called and requested that my reason be changed from a routine yearly exam to ...... *gulp* a beginning infertility appointment. She even made me say infertility. And it was hard. And I cried when I hung up the phone because I couldn't believe I had to actually say it. I had to make it real.
So, tomorrow morning at 11:00, I am going to meet with a doctor that I have heard nothing but great things about. And how am I feeling? Well: scared, anxious, excited, thrilled, nauseous, sad, nervous, angry, hopeful. I hope to leave with answers tomorrow, but my greatest fear is that I will leave more lost and hurt than I am right now. So I'm going to ask that you please send me good vibes, positive thoughts, and prayers for myself, for Drew, and for the Doctor I will be seeing (too bad he isn't British and doesn't carry a Sonic Screwdriver). Pray that I can get the answers I so desperately need. I'll try and update tomorrow afternoon.
One last thing, please, if you have a question for me, or you want to talk to me, or you want to know anything about anything, don't hesitate to ask me. I'm only open because someone else was open towards me (and I hope she knows the huge impact she's had on me during this whole experience). Infertility shouldn't have to be a secret, and those suffering shouldn't have to feel afraid, ashamed, or alone.
No comments:
Post a Comment